WARNING 1: HANDMAID'S TALE SEASON TWO, EP. 1 & 2 SPOILERS
WARNING 2: If your senses are easily scandalized and your sense of humor went out for cigarettes and never came back, it's best you move along.
So, at this morning's swole sisters barbells-n-brekkie workout, we discussed the first two episodes of the new season of The Handmaid's Tale on Hulu.
Shocking.
Enraging.
Engaging.
Frightening.
Yes. Yes. Yes. But...
... here's the bright side:
If this dystopian nightmare seems a little too prescient for America's future, relax.
Here's what season two is teaching us (good and bad) about staying fit should your ovaries make you prime Handmaid material and/or you need your husband's permission to make physical fitness.
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SCARED SHITLESS COLONIC
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Verdict: Unhealthy/Don't Try at Home
Photo copyright Hulu
Not only does this set-up take a lot of time and equipment for minimal results, it's probably not great for the environment. Is the wood from a sustainable forest? Is the rope organic hemp? Crapping yourself senseless by threat of hanging is stupid to lose weight and keep it off. You'll end up dehydrated and sick with a compromised gut biome. Also, splinters. Why not work on filling out that frumpy robe with some broad shoulders? Try this:
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ISO HOLDS FOR BOULDER SHOULDERS
- Verdict: Brilliant. Can be done anywhere. Even in the cell of your captor's home or while being tortured on a playground in the rain.
Photo copyright Hulu
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RING THE BELL FOR BICEPS!
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Verdict: 50/50. Pros: great bicep pump. Cons: Gives away your location.
Photo copyright Hulu
Bell-ringing to the whole neighborhood is the equivalent of the gym locker room mirror selfie. It screams, "Please pay attention to me. I need external validation!"
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INCLINE BITCH PRESS (advanced)
- Verdict: Great for developing upper pecs.
Photo copyright Hulu
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P.S.S.
- Verdict: When in Rome....
